Developing Your Ability to Express Thoughts and Feelings in Family Business: Part Two in a Three-Part Series

In the first part of our series on How Jack and Jill Fit Into the Family Business, we identified the most important behavior for individuals to practice in a family enterprise, based on our research, and the four assumptions we used in order to reach this finding.

The most important behavior is for family business leaders to express their thoughts and opinions on important topics.

Here is a quick review of the four assumptions for individuals:

1. You have agency/ choice
2. You have the capacity to flourish
3. Your individual awareness drives your behaviors and career(s)
4. Practicing leadership requires both knowing/awareness and showing/actions

So, how do you develop each of these?  Here are some examples of new, desired behaviors that can help anyone express their thoughts and feelings on important topics.

One. You have agency/choice.  

Exercise 1: Practice listing more choices. List the Pros and Cons for big decisions.  After big meetings list the Pluses (what worked well) and the Deltas (what needs to change).  

Exercise 2: Identify your top 5-6 most influential people in your family enterprise.  Rate your relationship score (1-5) and results score (1-5) to identify who you need to develop relationships with, or who will drive better results in the next 6 months.  Then actively work with those influential people to express your thoughts and feelings on important topics.  

Two. You have the capacity to flourish.  

Exercise 1: State out loud your top 5 signature strengths, using the free assessment at www.VIACharacter.org. List each of those on your daily calendar and strengthen them on that day. For instance, today I will practice “perspective” and tomorrow I will practice “honesty” because they are two of my top five signature strengths. 

Exercise 2: Use those 24 signature strengths, like new vocabulary words, when talking to others. When you spot/identify their strengths, state them out loud. Express gratitude daily. Express optimism when you express your thoughts and feelings about important topics. 

Three. Your individual awareness drives your behaviors and career(s).  

Exercise 1: Notice the best behavior in others by focusing on what they say and do.  Start meetings and emails by stating “Thank you” for a specific behavior. Use open-ended questions starting with “what” or “how” to practice curiosity and assess situations deeper.  

Exercise 2: Summarize your understanding, so that others know you are actively listening.  Moderate how much you speak by asking yourself, “Why am I speaking now?”  Express your thoughts and feelings on important topics with trusted people, then with those you want to trust more.

Four. Practicing leadership requires both knowing/awareness and showing/actions.  

Exercise 1: Practice awareness by stating something true that others may appreciate.  For example, “I’m aware that I often interrupt others, and I want to listen better. So, if we’re in a 1:1 and I start to interrupt you, I want you to give me the Time Out sign.”  

Exercise 2: Model professional transparency by stating your thoughts and feelings on important topics. List your Objectives and Key Results (OKRs) quarterly and share them with others. Publicly validate others when they do exceptional work.

In conclusion, expressing thoughts and feelings on important topics is crucial for success in a family enterprise. By practicing new, desired behaviors, individuals can develop the skills needed to communicate effectively with their family members and colleagues. 

The eight exercises listed above provide a starting point for anyone looking to improve their communication skills.  We can all build stronger relationships with those around us. 

Remember, practicing leadership requires both awareness and action, and by taking the time to develop these skills, individuals can set themselves up for success in both their personal and professional lives.

In the final part of this series, we’ll talk about the impact of these behaviors on your family enterprise. 

For a comprehensive process to help develop your own leadership skills, or those of your next generation, visit www.assessnextgen.com.